The Meeting Matters Team · 2026-11-03
Feeling low, flat or tearful in the months after moving abroad is one of the most common experiences people never talk about. It usually comes from a mix of homesickness, culture shock and the plain exhaustion of rebuilding a life from zero, and for most people it eases as routines, friendships and a sense of belonging slowly return. If the low mood lasts for many weeks, keeps getting heavier, or starts to affect your sleep, work, studies or relationships, it is worth speaking to a psychologist rather than waiting it out alone.
Why Do I Feel So Low Since Moving Abroad?
Moving from Pakistan to the UK, the Gulf, Canada, the USA, Australia or Europe changes almost everything at once. You lose the small things that held your days together: a mother's voice from the next room, chai with a friend without planning it, azaan in the background, a neighbour who knows your name. At the same time you are learning new rules for work, money, weather, food, paperwork and even how people greet each other. Your mind is working hard all day, and there is nobody nearby who shares your memories. Feeling low in that situation is not weakness. It is a normal response to a very large change.
What Is Culture Shock, and Does It Have Stages?
Culture shock is the stress and confusion that comes from living in a place where the everyday rules are different from the ones you grew up with. Many people describe it as moving through rough stages, though not everyone goes through them in order:
- Excitement: The first days or weeks feel like an adventure. Everything is new and interesting.
- Frustration: Small problems pile up. Accents are hard to follow, food tastes wrong, the cold is miserable, and simple tasks take all day. Irritation and sadness grow.
- Adjustment: You start to understand how things work. You find a halal shop, a mosque, a Pakistani or desi community, a colleague who becomes a friend.
- Belonging: The new place starts to feel like yours too, while home remains home. Many people also describe "reverse culture shock" when they visit Pakistan and find they have changed.
What Are the Signs of Homesickness and Culture Shock?
- Low mood or tearfulness, often worse in the evening or on weekends when there is nothing to do.
- Constant comparison: "Back home this would be better" running through your mind all day.
- Withdrawal: staying in your room, scrolling family WhatsApp groups and Pakistani content for hours instead of going out.
- Irritability with the new country, its people and its systems, or with family back home who "do not understand".
- Sleep and appetite changes, tiredness that rest does not fix, headaches or stomach complaints with no clear cause.
- Loss of confidence: feeling slow, stupid or invisible in a language and system you have not mastered yet.
- Guilt: for leaving parents behind, for not feeling grateful enough, or for spending money that the family sacrificed for.
Why Is It Often Harder for Pakistanis Abroad?
Many people from Pakistan move for family reasons rather than personal choice: a new marriage, a parent's wish, a job that supports the whole household. The pressure to succeed can be heavy. Sending money home, managing a spouse's visa, studying while working long hours, or living with in-laws in a small flat leaves little time to feel anything. There may also be the quiet expectation that you should be happy because "you made it abroad", which makes it hard to admit you are struggling. Cold winters with short days, racism or feeling like an outsider, and missing weddings, Eid and funerals all add to the weight.
What Actually Helps?
- Build a small daily routine. Fixed times for waking, meals, prayer, exercise and sleep give the mind something steady when everything else is new.
- Make one local connection at a time. A colleague, a classmate, a neighbour, someone at the mosque or community centre. You do not need a whole circle, just one person to have chai with.
- Find your community, but do not hide in it. Pakistani and South Asian groups give comfort and familiar food. Balance that with learning the local culture, or the frustration stage lasts longer.
- Keep the link with home, with limits. A daily call is good. Spending every evening in a family group chat while ignoring the city outside usually makes homesickness worse.
- Move your body and get daylight. A short walk outside each day helps mood and sleep, especially in dark northern winters.
- Bring home into your space. Cook desi food, play the music you grew up with, keep a prayer mat and a familiar scent in your room. Small anchors matter.
- Learn the systems on purpose. Banking, transport, the health service, how to speak up at work. Every system you understand removes a daily stress.
- Name the feeling. Telling a friend or writing down "I am homesick and tired, not failing" reduces the shame that keeps people stuck.
- Be patient with the timeline. Settling in often takes many months, not weeks. Feeling worse in month three than in month one is common and does not mean you made the wrong decision.
How Do I Know If It Is More Than Homesickness?
Homesickness usually comes in waves and lifts when something good happens, such as a visit, a new friend or a success at work. If instead the low mood is there most of the day nearly every day, if you have lost interest in things you used to enjoy, if you cannot sleep or sleep far too much, if you feel hopeless or worthless, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, that is beyond ordinary adjustment and deserves professional support. A psychologist can help you tell the difference and give you practical tools, and you can attend online from anywhere. If symptoms last for weeks or affect your daily life, please see a professional. Anyone in immediate danger should go to the nearest hospital emergency department.
Common Questions
How long does culture shock last?
There is no fixed time. For many people the hardest stretch is the first few months, with a clear improvement by the end of the first year. Visits home, a change of job or a new baby can bring the feelings back for a while, which is normal.
Is it normal to regret moving abroad?
Yes. Most people have moments of regret, especially in the frustration stage. Regret in a hard week is not the same as a decision. Give yourself time before judging the move.
Should I tell my family in Pakistan that I am struggling?
If they are likely to listen, yes. Many parents worry more when their children go silent. If you fear they will panic or pressure you to come back, start with one trusted person, such as a sibling or cousin, and keep the conversation simple.
Can I see a psychologist in Pakistan while living abroad?
Yes. Many overseas Pakistanis prefer an online psychologist who understands Urdu, Punjabi, family expectations and the culture they grew up in, and who can offer sessions in their evening hours. Read how online therapy works for overseas Pakistanis and how to book across time zones.
Will therapy be in English or Urdu?
You can choose. Sessions can be in English, Urdu, Punjabi or Hindi, and you can mix languages as you naturally would.
Next Step
If the low mood has stayed with you since the move, you do not have to carry it alone. Read about individual therapy and online therapy at The Meeting Matters, or book an appointment and tell us which country and time zone you are in. We offer online sessions for Pakistanis around the world and in-person sessions in Islamabad, in English, Urdu, Hindi and Punjabi.