The Role of Therapy in Healthy Relationships: A Clinical Perspective By Ayeshah Tariq, Clinical Psychologist - The Meeting Matters

Human beings have an innate need for connection. Man as said is a social animal. Be it through romantic partnerships, through family bonds or via friendships in personal life or at the workplace.Our emotional and mental wellbeing is affected and influenced by the nature of interactions and relationships we have with our interpersonal interactions. Healthy interpersonal relationships and an effective support system has proven to be a great predictor of happiness, physical wellbeing and a longer lifespan. (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, 2010). Hence, indicating how essential the need and desire for human connections in various forms is.

In today’s social structures, outsourcing emotional connections is something that happens all too frequently. Factors such as miscommunication, ongoing or previous traumas, difficulty with accepting individual differences, unmet needs, and differences in values and perceptions cause friction in relationships often. As a clinical psychologist, therapy not only addresses the issues at hand, rather through empirically proven approaches and methods, it instills patterns and practices that endorse growth and development in the relationship for years to come. The aim of therapy is not to provide a quick fix, but to equip the person with skills that allow them to navigate through their relationships in a healthy manner after concluding therapy as well.

What defines a Healthy Relationship?

Health relationships are built on the basis of emotional safety, reciprocal regard and appreciation, emotional intimacy, meaningful communication, effective problem-solving, solution-focused dialogue, and mutual respect and values.
These skills may seem innate or ones that would come naturally to someone but some people at times do not get the adequate amount of exposure to healthy relationship patterns or coping mechanisms. The environment of the home, parenting style, exposure to any trauma, underlying or unaddressed mental health concerns, social and cultural factors can be determinants of the possible relational dynamics a person might have in their relationships. Therapy empowers the individuals and the couple in itself too with skills that foster emotional awareness, physical and emotional regulation, and healthier coping mechanisms and tools which are growth conducive both for the person and the relationship.

Therapy as a Catalyst for Healthier Relationships

Therapy targets three main areas in order to foster trends of a healthy relationship:

1. Attachment Patterns and Emotional Safety
   Bowlby’s attachment theory (1969) emphasizes the significance of early relationships and how they form our attachment patterns and largely determine the dynamics of our future relationships as well. Adults experiencing non-secure attachment styles, those avoidant, disorganized, or anxious in nature could potentially lead to issues with vulnerability, trust, regulation and balance maintenance in relationships.
   Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneering figure in the field of relationship counselling, in her Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), focused on reconstructing and reframing attachment styles to a secure and healthy attachment. The therapeutic approach focuses on identifying negative interaction cycles, acknowledging and addressing emotions in the moment, and creating effective and safe patterns of interaction. EFT provides effective results with nearly 70-75% success rate for couples who have been struggling. Furthermore, 90% of couples exposed to EFT have reported significant improvements in their relationship satisfaction (Johnson, 2008; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016).

2. Communication and Conflict Resolution

Communication issues recurrently feature as one of the core issues that are brought to couples therapy. The Four Horsemen, described by Dr. John Gottman; criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling can predict the occurrence of divorce up to 90% with accuracy (Gottman & Levenson, 1992).

Therapy empowers the couple to cultivate an environment in the relationship which allows them to express freely yet compassionately and constructively, develop empathy and regard for their partner, solution-oriented conflict management, developing emotional sensitivity and care to deal with disagreements.

The Gottman Method, Cognitive Behavioural Couple Therapy (CBCT), and Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy are all evidence-based practices that which are most commonly practiced and employed for couples counseling due to their efficacious nature and focus on establishing and reconstructing healthy patterns in the relationship.

3. Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation

One of the purposes of therapy is to identify one’s own cognitive patterns to assess the impact it has on the relationships in their life. A person might unknowingly project their unaddressed concerns onto their relationship which could cause distress both for the individual and the relationship. Unresolved childhood traumas, self-esteem issues, personal insecurities, trust issues, unprocessed anger, fear of vulnerability, past traumas and many other personal factors could impact the relationship. Developing insight can help the individuals within the relationship to become more insightful of independent patterns and how working on them would not only benefit them but would nurture constructive patterns in the relationship as well.

By working on yourself, your values, and your emotions and behaviours through therapeutic techniques such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy  (ACT) and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) to encourage emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, value clarification, committed action, and more. Inculcating these skills allows for a more productive, stable, and trusting relationship.

Beyond Couples: Therapy’s Role in Other Relationship Types

Relationship counselling’s effects are not limited to romantic relationships, they can create a positive impact on other relationships as well such as in our interaction with our family, with friends, colleagues, etc. Conflict management skills, emotional security, distress tolerance, etc. could be employed in other relationships as well. Breaking patterns on transgenerational trauma, discovering attachment styles, improving parenting and disciplining methods, boundary setting, assertiveness can all help facilitate improvement of other relationship dynamics as well.

Be it relationship or individual therapy, the skills if incorporated or integrated well enough could help translate them into other domains of life as well. The more psychologically and emotionally educated and aware you allow yourself to become and focus on self-improvement,the better you would be able to show up for your relationships as well.

Therapy as Preventive Care: Not Just Tool for Crisis Management

The idea to some extent still persists that therapy is only required in case of a ‘problem’ existing. However, many times, we can approach therapy or counseling for preventive purposes as well. Counsellors and therapists have long been advocates of promoting the idea of seeking professional help in order to improve upon relational dynamics and patterns, not only for resolving ongoing conflicts. Inculcating healthy patterns on an individual and on a couple’s level could help in fostering healthy behaviours before the conflicts and differences start dictating things.

Early approach towards therapy can allow us to catch up on early signs of a non-productive behaviour and move us towards disengaging with those behaviours which are non-beneficial or distress causing, help couples in understanding each other better so in future life events adjustment is easier, addressing any mental health concerns that could later surface and affect relationships, it allows partners to express shared values and goals and develop genuine emotional closeness.

Conscious self-development through therapy can help elevate existing strengths in a person and likewise in a couple as well.

Final Thoughts: Therapy as Relational Empowerment

Therapy, apart from being remedial, is also a great commitment towards the future. Family and couples counselling skills not only benefit the relationship but various domains of the couple’s life as well (Shadish & Baldwin, 2003). Therapy helps an individual grow into their potential and allows them to focus on elements which strengthen them and work on their limitations as well, reducing the risk of breakups and divorces (Halford et al., 2003). In this digital age and with the existence of AI, individuals are becoming less reliant on human interaction for emotional dependence and communication and trying to lean on such resources to overcome the emotional needs we have as human beings.
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or trying to work through family challenges, therapy helps in strengthening inner abilities and developing a better understanding required for deeper connection and healthier relationships.

References

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221-233.

Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.

Gurman, A. S., & Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A millennial review. Family Process, 41(2), 199–260.

Halford, W. K., Markman, H. J., Kline, G. H., & Stanley, S. M. (2003). Best practices in couple relationship education. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29(3), 385–406.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.

Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and Family Therapy. Harvard University Press.

Shadish, W. R., & Baldwin, S. A. (2003). Meta-analysis of MFT interventions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29(4), 547–570.

Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390–407.