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Nurturing Stronger Bonds: Marriage Counseling in Pakistan - The Meeting Matters

July 4, 2023by admin0

Introduction

An important sign of marital unhappiness and a sign of the marital relations issue in society is the rising divorce rate in Pakistan. Marriage counselling, often known as couples counselling, is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on fostering and enhancing close bonds as well as resolving conflict when it arises. Couples issues are caused by both addressing their early attachment experiences and a lack of communication skills. In Pakistan, the joint family system is causing more havoc than ever before. In order to obtain happiness and thriving abilities, one must have peace of mind, and the relationship between the husband and wife defines the welfare and health of family dynamics. If an unsatisfactory and improper atmosphere is created,neurological diseases and permanent repercussions will follow.

There are a number of areas that can be addressed within therapy, which include:

Moving towards a deeper understanding of each other and move towards realistic expectations from each other
Clearing out misunderstandings and resolving conflict
Coping and overcoming problems involving sexual intimacy and performance
Addressing external issues impacting the marriage including in-laws, joint family systems, work, etc.
Dealing with infidelity
Dealing with issues that occur from child rearing
Dealing with substance abuse and addictions that impact the relationship
Dealing and addressing issues involving domestic violence and all forms of physical and emotional abuse.

Then not only physical but emotional exhaustion results in end of relationship or divorce.

The cognitive-behavioral-emotional approach is a successful method for relationship therapy. To comprehend this, it is important to grasp the central significance that adult attachment theory gives to emotions. Each pair begins a current relationship with expectations and experiences from their past that have a significant impact on how they react to their partner, from the standpoint of love. In context to Pakistan, the approach is to help couples identify and express each other’s core needs and desires and
attachment concerns regardless of marriage type (arranged or loved). Thus, couples’ insecurity of attachment is reduced and secure attachment between them is fostered. As we are aware of the attachment styles the insecure styles lead to emotional dysregulation in partner causes anxiety. (EFCT) emotionally focused couple therapy is used as the effective intervention for couples.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Couples with interpersonal issues, communication obstacles, or unconscious behaviours can benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy. This method emphasizes how the couple’s cognitive and behavioural interactions lead to marital issues as well as the interpersonal cognitions and behaviours that generate those issues. The CBCT has three stages. The first stage deals with
altering unreasonable expectations in relationships (e.g., to always be available, shouldn’t leave the house because it’s unsafe). It then corrects the incorrect assignments in communication in the second stage and psycho-educate them (communication between spouses leads to express emotions and need which lets the other spouse perceive differently) and in the third stage uses self-learning methods to reduce tensions (i.e.: inform on text, engage in other activities).Couples interactions have a specific pattern, and this pattern is cyclic. The effect of this pattern is that couples selectively interpret each other’s behavior, causing the conflict to continue between them. In conclusion, both emotionally focused therapies and cognitive behavioural therapy help lessen marital weariness. Couples can use this to reach and express their basic feelings, which include underlying and hurt. It is possible to comprehend and address the destructive cycle of blame, complaints, distance, isolation, and insecurity. We should educate wellbeing, counselling, and education that addresses the need to develop healthy and productive relationships between couples and reduce disputes in light of the positive effects of these two methods and the necessity for centers to provide these training, given the needs of society and the benefits they produce. So in order to provide the ideal relationship between husband and wife, a safe and appropriate environment is established for the upbringing of children.

How Does Marriage Counselling Work?

Marriage mentoring assists you with revamping your connections and make your life sound and cheerful. It is finished to determine the issues between couples, either wedded or unmarried. Marriage mentoring is for the most part given by the authorized specialists otherwise called marriage and family advisors. Your circumstance will determine how a situation is handled by a counselor in different ways. Your instructor could start with a bunch of essential inquiries, alongside the lines of “What brings you here?” While the inquiry might appear to be straightforward, it merits investing the energy to get ready responses for questions like these.

The therapist will inquire about your history and expect both you and your partner to be honest, open and talkative. Depending on the situation, your counsellor may want to talk to you both separately and together. After the initial discussions, your therapist might give you feedback and recommend a plan for treatment. It is provided with a tool for better communication, negotiating the differences and even help to argue in a better way. But marriage counselling is often short term process and few sessions are required to solve the differences.

In Pakistan, organized marriage is liked and empowered by guardians. The defective decision making of guardians brings about postponed relationships and in particular fruitless and troubled relationships. The assumption between mates are bungled causing neurological issues. Conjugal advising is thought of as precarious as it can affect many individuals other than couples and will in general be broad in meeting taking. When parents take charge on decision making for marriage of their children, they tend to neglect many factors such as:

Personality type
Another factor effecting the decision is manipulation by the proposing party. Parents tend to overgeneralize and become quick to decided and finalize the proposal.
In Pakistan, the issues counselors have to go through between couples are
Economic conditions
Socio cultural
Educational
Dowry
Status
Cast
Beauty

The combination of psychological and sociological aspects on which individuals base their preference for a mate are:

According to many researches, males are inclined to select females who can physically attractthem while females are inclined towards males with a respectable economic standing.

As a counsellor it becomes challenging to tackle such cases.

Love marriage is still stigmatized in Pakistan today. According to the Becker marriage theory: thinks of marriage as a way for men and women to look for a life partner and figure out if they are worthy based on the benefits it could give them over their current situation. There is a pair of standards which this hypothesis is limited by. Because parents force their children into marriages of their own choosing, a person’s preference for marriage shifts if their needs are not met by the partner’s insecure attachment styles.

There could be many reasons for insecure attachment styles of a person in marriage.

Research shows that experiences in families of origin, particularly parental distress and divorce, can have significant effects upon young people’s future relationship attitudes and experiences. According to research, a person’s ego, following their participation during the divorce of their parents, will most probably significantly affect the perceptions and views of that person on marriage in general.

In another research, women who preferred that parents have control over the selection of mates and men who based their selection based on the social comparison were reported to have higher levels of conflict.

Marriage comes in a wide range of structures which differ crosswise over cultures; joined by different traditions and techniques through which life partners are chosen. In collectivist culture like Pakistan organized marriage framework has been prevalent for quite a long time. As the world is turning into the worldwide town and impacts of different societies through media can’t be evaded, the procedure of marriage is likewise changing in Pakistan and interesting issue of talk among the guardians and youthful grown-ups is whether the youngsters ought to be permitted or not to choose their own particular mate.

Reasons For The High Number Of Divorces

Poor education on what it takes to make a successful marriage.
Poor selection of spouses, where people ignore major incompatibilities, have unrealistic expectations, lack sufficient maturity, etc.
Poor communication skills.
Unwillingness to work through problems.
Financial irresponsibility.
Unhealthy power dynamics, including various forms of abuse.
Incompatible parenting styles
Poor dealing with relatives.
Sexual issues, especially when combined with poor communication
Emotional immaturity, especially in unwillingness to be emotionally open or to be a non-reactive listener

The counsellor should also psych educate the parents about this issue and to consider the choice of children and between the spouses, the counsellor must psych educate to bring down their parameters of selecting mate or their high expectations.

In CBT

For Example

turn off online status from mobile application, note down number of times you reached out to husband through mobile phone (limit the numbers), engage actively in physical activities and hobbies.

The marriage mentors and specialists ought to use marriage mentoring strategies in assisting couples with settling conjugal contentions by changing their disposition decidedly. It also helps couples understand their roles and responsibilities in their marriage, which will ultimately improve their quality of marriage and help them adjust. Particularly in this day and age, when numerous couples are struggling with unresolved marital issues, the counselors should be well versed in marital counseling techniques.

The following is the homework: Spending time together in a constructive way to communicate by sharing music, books, anxieties, food, and memories. According to the adult attachment theory; a person with secure attachment style in relationship with insecure person will have negative effects and becomes insecure gradually.

Common Marital Issues In Pakistan

1. Arranged marriages

You are told to be respectful and keep distance all your life from opposite gender then one random day you are told to go procreate with a complete stranger who is now your husband/wife. Marriages are more between families than the husband and wife and if they do not work out then you are subjected to public humiliation in society.

You wake up married to a person you do not know, perhaps you may have clash of personality, likes, dislikes, political opinions etc. but you have to work it out as divorce is a taboo and marriage counselling means mental disease in our society.

Worst part is these arranged marriages are usually amongst cousins arranged by elders. So what you grew up together as siblings and consider as incest, now you have to do wife/husband duties. So what if these cross generational marriages lead to birth of children with birth defects and abnormalities, it’s just a usual day in a Pakistani couple’s life.

2. It Can Be Lack Of Tolerance

Including lack of patience, some mistrust or lack of whole understanding. It can also be imbalance in priorities or some lack of responsibilities. Wives can complain that husbands are not paying much attention to them individually. Husbands can complain that wives are not much responsible or cooperating.

3. Expectations

The biggest problem of Pakistani couples is Expectations. Before getting married both girl and boys thinks that he/she will care about me for whole life, he or she will never let me cry. But life never remains the same. We should have to understand that every human has some personal space which we have to respect. Basically expectations occurs in love marriages